An Open Letter To My Hurting Friends

I've been working on this for months and it's not quite done, but I figured it's decent enough to share. It's mean't to be a slam poem, but I don't want to record me reciting it, so y'all'll (you all will) have to be content with just the thing itself. And yea, I realize its excessively long. So, without further ado, here's An Open Letter To My Hurting Friend;

Hey. Look I know we don’t talk a lot and I think it’s a fair assessment to say that you and I are both socially awkward and would have no idea how to act if this letter was carried into conversational form, so I wrote it instead.

You’re going through a lot. More than I can honestly relate too.

Sometimes I’ll think about my day and then your name is splayed across the fabric of my mind And I want to take this burden away from you.

I don’t know what to say, and I don’t truly understand,

I don’t know a verse, song or poem that will brighten the days and

I don’t know how to show that I  care for you, but friend, my heart breaks for you.

You’re always laughing.

Always joking.

But your eyes seem redder.

You’ve become a master of disguise. Don’t worry, I won’t tell.

Besides, it takes one to know one.

I know how to hide the tear stains on my face with the makeup of a joke or excuse.

I know how to bit my tongue and nod, “yeah, I’m fine.”

And those puffy bags under my eyes?

It might be mid december, but allergies really keep one up at night, and, with all that sneezing, there’s really no room for sleeping, right?

I can lie that my constantly clenching fists are just a side effect of ADHD and that the exhausted rasp in my voice is from school or yelling during the game,

not crying myself to sleep and yelling at my pillow.

I think you do that stuff too.

I think you think too much and if you’re like me,

you’re on the brink of falling into a proverbial kitchen sink of emotions

and you’re scared to sink down further and further down because there is no bottom.

There is no floor. Those who descend don’t return, they don’t come back anymore.

Their cries for help are drowned along with their makeup and walls.

Friend, I want you to know that I’m a good swimmer.

I can hold my breath for a long time and when I see you start to dive,

I’ll jump right in and as my body collides with the numbing water,

I will plunge deeper and deeper till I feel your hand in mine,

and then I’ll pull up and strain towards the sky,

I will do everything in my power to bring you to the surface.

Because I can’t,

I won’t, sit idle as your light dies.

Please, don’t let drowning become your catharsis because I’m here with the life vest disguised as a cross so please take it from me,

because even though I’m terrified of water,

if there’s any chance to save you, i will try.

Other days you look hollow, and I’m pretty sure you feel that way.

I think you’re numb and I don’t mean because of the pills you’re told to swallow.

I think you feel cold and alone and with the weights dragging down your shoulders, the fears living in your nightmares are ripping for a  chance to obliterate your mind, I think you’re breaking.

And no I’m not just  talking about the scratch and claw in your voice when you start to speak, but then remember.

I’m talking about the fire inside of your soul that is down to its last ember,

Your eyes are sunken.

You look empty, our face devoid of color, your eyes veiled deep with a filter of grey.

Your hands balled up tight, your body tense as if waiting for the unimaginable, the way your bones shake when the night has overtaken the day .

Other days, you’re far from empty, but ready to burst.

You’ve erected walls and your heart has elected to enclose your soul in them,

And now you’re trapped. I’ve done that too.

I lasted for a while, but one can only survive off memories so long.

I’d grown pallor, the sun hadn’t kissed my skin in years,

so finally I grit my teeth, opened the gate and faced my fears.  

Look, walls make prisons not havens.

Walls are not protection.

Walls close in and push you into your demons, forcing you to share a cramped space with the parts of your brain you wish to erase.

Walls are not protection.

Pushing away your friends, pushing away love, help, and affection won’t keep you from being scarred once more,

but it will build a back door for fear and hate and pain to settle down and nest in your bed.

Walls are not protection.

When you plod across those school halls, hood pulled down low and head dipping even lower, you know that walls lock you in.

they keep a collection of everything you’ve done, every pain you’ve known, everything you’ve lost, every person you’ve lost and those walls will crush you.

You need to break them.

Shake them.

Take them by the corners and like you’d do a paper and tear down those foreboding barriers, let in light.

With walls it’s an eternal night,

but when they’re down there’s a whole new world with flowers and the sun and candy and the ocean and trees and birds and crickets and light

A whole new world with snakes and guns and terrors, knives, loss, spiders and death. Just remember that birds eat the spiders.

Good will overcome evil.

Wrong will be converted to right and darkness cannot exist when it meets the light,

Darkness cannot exist when it meets the light.

You are broken, inside and out.

But i know you know about Hope,

And I hope you know there’s a Way to life again.

There’s a tomb that your hurt has been buried and burned in,

There’s a King who has slain the one who dared rattle the edge of this world you sit atop.

There’s a man with holes in his wrists, who knows the bloody war raging inside of you,

And he’s standing here, arms open wide, left hand holding your pieces, his right hand holding glue.

Look, before you finish reading this, I need you to know,

I love you.

I don’t think I’ve ever said it,

but I love you so much that Id brave the unknown waters,

I’d deconstruct walls for weeks,

I’d go months without sleep, just to ensure that your safe.

I know life is filled with pain,

but one day death will die and we, along with our loved ones,

will be collected into the sky and taken to a place where theres no snakes,

no tears, no fakes

and no fears.

Just hold on till then.

You can make it.

I know you can.

I have to finish this letter.

Remember, for every heartbreak in this lifetime, our Potter takes the broken bits and crafts them into beauty.

He takes your old battered heart and cleans it into gold,

The war inside you will subside and become peacetime,

you will know what its like to be whole.

So friend, please wait.

Dont drown.

Dont build.

Just sit here and play videogames,

do a puzzle,

read a novel or even write one of your own.

Do something that helps you enjoy the beauty of existing.

And know that everything will be okay.